I have a confession to make. I love my son. A lot. A whole lot! And sometimes when I look at other Moms I think I might love my son more than they love their own kids. I know that sounds judgemental. And I'm ashamed I even think it sometimes. But it's true!
Ben and I waited so long to become parents (and I know many others who waited even longer!) and when I look at my son and hold him at night sometimes I have to hold back tears for how grateful I am to be his Mom. I often wonder if this whole parenting thing happened easily (and with not much effort on our part) if I would love my son differently or even less. I definitely think it would be far easier to take things for granted.
There are times when spending time with my son trumps other activities. Especially since I work full time. The evenings and weekends are the only time I have with Nathan and those times have become very important and precious to me. This often means that I say no to a lot of things if it means I will have to spend time apart from him. I don't consider myself to be over-protective. And it's not that I don't trust other people to watch my son. But if I have the choice to spend my day with Nathan or someone else, it's going to be Nathan. Especially when every time I turn around he's growing, changing and learning something new! I also know the day is coming (sooner than I want it too) when he may not want to spend as much time with me as I want to spend with him!
When I look back on Nathan's childhood I don't ever want to have regrets. I'm trying my hardest to carve these precious moments on my heart and cherish them now and in the days to come. (Okay except for the newborn stage when he didn't sleep--I'm pretty sure I've blocked that from my memory forever).
Is it a crime to love your children too much? If so, I'm guilty!
I have to say that being a woman who had two children really easily and then struggled for 6 years to have the third that it is different. I don't think I've ever loved Cambria more that my other two kids but I have a realization about how precious that love is that I just didn't have with my first two. I look at things differently and prioritize differently. And as hard as it is to live with infertility (and I've come to realize that the pain really never ends) I am so thankful that I had the chance to have my eyes opened to the amazing blessing my children are and don't take things for granted the way I did before my struggles.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your comment Aspen. I agree, the pain of infertility never truly goes away. And I hate when it sneaks up on me! I'm definitely not taking anything for granted, just like you said! The struggle it took to become a Mom has definitely made me realize what a blessing children are! Hope you and the family are doing well! I can't believe how fast they are growing!
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