Birth Mom's Outfit

We are very blessed to have an open adoption with Silas' Birth Mom.  Once we left the hospital we made plans to meet Silas' Birth Family for breakfast before leaving town.  When we were at breakfast V presented us with a few presents for Silas.  This onesie (and matching bear and blanket) were what she picked out.  And the onesie finally fits!  

Many people don't know that the day before Mother's Day is Birth Mother's Day.  I chose to create this post today for a reason. We are so grateful V gave Silas the gift of life!  We love that we have reminders like this outfit and bear of how much she loves him!  

Birth Family

These photos are some of the most precious photos from our time in the hospital because Silas can now see and know what his Birth Family looks like and how much they love him.  (Note:  The Birth Family gave me permission to post these photos.)  We are thrilled that this family is willing to have an open relationship with us as Silas grows up!

Silas' Sweet Birth Mom

Silas' Birth Grandma

Getting Silas dressed to leave the hospital

All ready!

Love this group photo!

A selfless young woman made a decision to place her child with us to raise as our own.  Words cannot fully express our gratitude for this young woman and her mother.  

Baby

As I'm writing this I'm sitting at our hotel in Utah watching "Meet the Parents" waiting for a call to come to the hospital to meet our baby!

The last 24 hours have been a whirlwind of activity.  On Sunday morning I got a text from our Birth Family that they were taking our Birth Mom to the hospital to get checked because they thought her water might have been slowly leaking.  Sure enough they were right and she was admitted to the hospital.

Once I heard our Birth Mom may be going into labor I decided to head to school and do some last minute preparations for my long term sub just in case baby was indeed going to come early.  I hadn't gone to school on Friday because I was sick (horrible timing in my opinion!) so I had some things to clean up and set out.  Right when I was finishing up stuff at school we got the text that Birth Mom was being admitted which meant baby was on the way!

I called Ben (who was home packing just in case) and told him to start packing for real because it's go time!  I raced home to pack as well.  We cancelled one flight.  Booked another.  And raced to the airport. I would love to say I was perfectly calm and collected during this time but that might be slightly off base.  Okay if I'm honest I was downright hysterical at some points while packing.  I'm normally a quick decision maker but for some reason all my decision making skills went out the window once I knew our baby was on the way.  (For the record I think I'm back to normal now if there is such a thing!)

Luckily my Mom had drove up to Bakersfield for the weekend so she was able to go to school with me and then was able to drop us off at the airport and take Nathan home with her while we are in Utah.  We got to Utah right before Midnight last night and got a rental car and then headed to our hotel.

Our baby is here.  But the Birth Family is taking some time to recover from delivery. They have invited us to meet them at the hospital at noon.  Please pray for us and our sweet Birth Family.  I can only imagine what a labor and delivery must be like.  It's a lot. And now there's a real baby staring back at them.

We know God has been with us and will continue to walk with us.  We are praying he will give us just the right words to say and share with this family.  We are so excited.  And nervous.  And anxious.  Please pray.

As far as we know baby is healthy and was receiving his first feeding from the nurses this morning. We can't wait to meet him!

Baby!

It's hard to believe that's it's been over 3 years ago that I wrote a post just like this one.  (You can read that original post here.)  And even though it's the second time around it's just as exciting!

If you haven't heard already we have been officially matched with a Birth Mom who is due with a baby boy on February 15th!  We got to talk to our very young and very sweet Birth Mom on the phone today and we are looking forward to growing our little family of 3 into a family of 4!

Please be in prayer for us over this next month as we wait for the call telling us our Birth Mom is in labor!  We will be traveling out of state for this adoption and although we are trying to plan ahead as much as possible some things are going to have to be thrown together at the last minute.

Please also be in prayer for our Birth Mom.  She is making a very self-less and brave decision by placing her child for adoption and we are forever grateful she has chosen LIFE for her baby!

Lastly, with a due date looming in the very near future we ask with humble hearts for your financial support.  We have received 2 grants already and are waiting to hear back about 2 more.  But if you have thought about making a donation to our adoption fund and haven't done so yet, now is the time your financial support is needed!  You can donate via our Paypal "Donate" button or if you would like to make a Tax Deductible gift you can do so through our profile at: AdoptTogether.Com/TheGeorgeFamily.  Also if you aren't following Raising Up 1 on Instagram and Facebook we are their featured Adoptive Family for the month of January.  They are gathering donations, selling items through their online shop, and hosting an auction all to raise funds for our adoption!  You can visit their website to learn more by clicking here.

Thank you for your prayers and support everyone!

Adoption Update

It's been awhile since I've posted about where we are in the adoption process.  That's because we are currently buried under a mountain of paperwork!

In order to adopt you have to have a home study done. Some people think this means that people come and inspect your house since your house is your home.  But actually that is not the case.  A home study is a study of your home--meaning the home you create by way of your relationships with your spouse and children.  They do look around our house to insure we have a place for the child to live--but that's about it!  Here is a list of things our home study includes (Note:  I'm probably leaving something out!):

-A multiple choice test that will give our caseworker insights into our personalities and how we operate as a couple.
-Written questionnaires about adopting outside of our own race and how we would incorporate a child of color into our home, community and church.
-Our testimonies and how we came to know the Lord as our Personal Savior.
-Financial documentation on how much money we make and where it all goes each month.
-Fingerprints
-Physicals
-Employment Verifications

All of this adds up to a HUGE pile of Paperwork!

Once we submit all of the above we then go thru a series of interviews with our caseworker in which she reviews all of the paperwork we submitted and gains more insight firsthand into our relationships as a family.  As long as no concerns are noted our home study is then submitted to the state and we wait...and wait...and wait for them to certify us as adoptive parents.

We are hoping we will be certified by the end of the summer.   Then we can be considered a waiting family and have our profile submitted to adoption agencies for birth families to look at.  The adoption consultant we are working with currently has had most of her adoptive parents matched in the first few weeks after they have been certified!  That's crazy fast in the domestic infant adoption world!

Our profile is a scrapbook of sorts that has pictures and text about our family that is shared with potential birth families (And yes we have to create this too--more to do!).  When a Birth Mom makes an adoption plan for her child, agencies encourage them to look through profiles and pick a few adoptive families they would consider placing their child with.  We will then be notified if we are picked by a Birth Mom and then plans are made as we work towards the Birth Mom's due date.  It is important to note that a Birth Mom plans to place for adoption.  But all plans can go out the window once baby has arrived.  Although no one likes when plans change, it is a reality that all adoptive parents must face.

In our adoption with Nathan we were not picked by Nathan's Birth Mom.  We never met her and she never held Nathan.  Nathan is what adoption agencies refer to as a "hospital call".  His Birth Mom did not make an adoption plan for him prior to giving birth.  Although hospital calls do happen quite often, this is not the norm.  In some ways I grieve the fact that we did not get the chance personally to meet Nathan's Birth Mom and thank her for her self-less gift but at the same time I also have some anxiety about the possibility of meeting our next child's Birth Mom.  It will be a whole new experience for us as an adoptive family!

In addition to making our way through the home study paperwork we are also filling out paperwork to apply for adoption grants and loans.  Unfortunately you can not be considered to receive any grants without a finalized home study but we want to be ready to submit them the moment our home study goes through.

Because we are committed to making this adoption a debt free one, we have also been fundraising like crazy.  We have already completed a 31 Bag Fundraiser, a Facebook Silent Auction and have had a yard sale.  Several generous people (including a large group of my classroom parents from this past school year) have also made monetary donations towards our adoption fund.

To date we have raised approximately $2300 towards our adoption!  

We are currently hosting an Origami Owl Fundraiser online in which we will receive 20% of the profits.  We also have plans to do a Gold Canyon Candle Fundraiser and a Puzzle Piece Fundraiser (more info to come!)  We also may decide to sell T-Shirts to add to our adoption fund as well.

So that's what we've been up to and where we are in the adoption process.  Thanks for your prayers and support everyone.  We could not do it without you!

Adoption Orientation

Tonight we attended (via phone conference) an adoption orientation hosted by Bethany Christian Services.   Although we are still waiting on a few infertility test results we decided to start the initial paperwork since it can take so long!  Although we haven't given up all hope of having a biological child, we both are feeling like it may not be the road God is leading us down.

As we listened to the adoption specialist go over the information in the PowerPoint it felt a little like deja vu.  Deja Vu can be both good and bad.  The good thing is we've been down this road before.  We know, for the most part, what to expect.  The bad thing is we've been down this road before....and I'm a little scared that road may not look the exact same as it did before!

As we went through the powerpoint several things stuck out to me:

We first went over some statistics: There are an estimated 3 million unplanned pregnancies yearly and 1.2 million abortions performed.   So sad!  1 in 8 couples experience infertility.  Although it is somewhat comforting to know Ben and I are not alone I am also heartbroken every time I meet another family who has struggled like we have!  In today's culture adoption is still looked down upon.  Many people think it is shameful that someone would "give away" their baby.  I look at Nathan's Birth Mom as the Hero in our situation.  She chose life for him!  A life that she very well could not have provided for him.

Our agency, much like the one we used while living in Arizona, is a faith based and child centered organization.  They do what they do because they feel called to find every child who needs one a loving home.  Although this agency is much larger than CFCA in Arizona I feel very comfortable working with them already.

The orientation talked a lot about open adoption and what it looks like.  When we first learned about open adoption with our last agency it was overwhelming and scary.  We didn't really know what it was. In today's society people outside of adoption still struggle with what open adoption really is and means.  All I can say is that our hearts longed and still long for an open relationship with Nathan's Birth Mother.  For now that door remains closed and we have respected that.  But everyday as Nathan grows older and we remind him of his story and how he came to be a part of our family I wish I had more to tell him.  I don't know a lot about his birth family other than that his Mom was young and was already raising one child on her own.  Eventually he will ask questions that I may not have the answers to. And I find myself praying when that time comes that God will give me the words to answer them in the best way possible.

We were a little surprised to hear from Bethany that they only allow 35 families to be on their waiting families list at one time.  If that waiting list is full we have to wait to enter their matchbook.  The more open we are to adopting a baby from a variety of racial backgrounds and "potential" risk factors the shorter our wait usually will be once in the matchbook.

The next step we will take is meeting with an adoption specialist in person to go over the paperwork we will need to fill out in order to start our home study.

We covet your prayers as we begin, yet again, another adoption journey!

Open Not Closed

Many of your following our blog know that our goal is to have an open adoption.  An open adoption looks different from family to family.  Some open adoptions only share pictures, letters and e-mails.  Other open adoptions have face to face meetings.

It is our hope that we have an open and close relationship with our child's birth family.  They will have the answers to so many questions that we don't about the child's heritage.  It will also help our child as they form their identity.  They'll be able to know who they look like and what traits they inherited. 

I recently subscribed to Adoptive Families Magazine and in the June Issue (I'm just now catching up on my reading) had an article called "The Other Mother".  In the article a birth mom and adoptive mom talk openly about open adoption.  They answered questions like:

Were you ever jealous of your child's other mother?

How different might your child be had he grown up in his birth family?

What challenges has open adoption posed for you?

How would your adoption be different if it were not open?

I was really struck by the birth mother's answer to the last question.  She said, and I quote,

"I chose open adoption for my child to give our relationship a beginning, not an end--to say, I cannot raise you, but I will never leave you".

I love that!  Open adoption is the start to a beautiful story...not the end!  A birth mother loves her child enough to say I want something better or (not to sound arrogant) more stable.

If you are in the process of adopting, or already have adopted children, I highly suggest you subscribe to this magazine!  This article was only one of many that hit home.

Class # 4!

This may sound silly, but I’ve always sort of thought of adoption as a means to an end.  Once we get our baby, the goal has been reached, we have crossed the finish line, and the process is over!  In reality, this thought process is far from the truth!  Tonight’s class topic was all about the covenant we will be forming with the birth family.  Our agency strongly supports open adoption, thus the relationship we form with our child’s birth family will not end when they hand over their baby—in fact it will just be beginning!  If I wasn’t agreeable to open adoption, we probably wouldn’t be adopting or even working with this agency.  So don’t misunderstand me—the information presented tonight was not brand new.  However I got a much bigger and better picture of exactly how an open adoption looks like and feels!

Once we are matched with a birth mom we then will have a covenant meeting where we outline what our relationship will look like once the baby is born.  How often will phone calls occur?  E-mails?  Letters?  How many times will we visit in person each year?  Who is allowed to attend these visits?  All of these things can be changed or revised as needed throughout the life of the child depending on different situations that arise. 

Our caseworker noted that although this covenant is a document that all parties sign (including a judge) we can never have our rights revoked as parents if the covenant’s terms are not met.  However, the courts can mandate that we go to mediation if we are struggling to meet the terms of the agreement. 

When looking over the covenant agreement it was hard not to get overwhelmed.  I’m worried I won’t meet up to the birth mom’s expectations!  Our caseworker shared that birth mom’s feel the exact same way, so not to worry.

We spent a lot of time talking about how we would handle different scenarios throughout the baby’s life.  What if the birth family breaks contact for awhile?  What if my child suddenly has a desire to not see their birth family?  It was comforting to know that the agency is there to support us every step of the way.  Oftentimes when you work with a lawyer once the adoption is finalized they are no longer in the picture.  Our agency has counseling services and we are always free to call if a situation arises and we are not sure what to do. 

It’s funny but since we will be a adopting an infant it’s hard to focus on the big picture.  This child will grow, change and mature!  As they do it will be our job to ensure the child understands and knows how they came to be a part of our family and what role their birth parents play.  This may not always be an easy journey for our child.  There may be times when our child doesn’t understand why they can’t live with their birth parents or they may be confused why they have both adoptive parents and birth parents.  This is a lot to deal with and was quite overwhelming to think about.  The caseworker shared that our job is not keep our children from pain but to help them process and deal with the pain they experience.  Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it can also be hard and painful at times.  But isn’t it the same with life?!

Ben and I have always wanted more than one child.  In fact I wouldn’t mind 3 or 4!  However going through the adoption process has made me really contemplate if I could handle more than one for a lot of different reasons.  If we are never able to conceive any of our own children we would be dealing with a set of birth parents for each child we adopt!  I’m sure each situation would be different and unique in its own way, with its own joys and sorrows, but the perfectionist in me wants to make sure I give equal attention to each relationship.  I’m not ready to say we will be “one and done” but it’s definitely given me a lot to think about!

These are my thoughts for now.  I felt like I was rambling more than normal this time!  I apologize if it was hard to follow my thought process!