Even though I now have much to say when it comes to the topic of motherhood there are times when I still feel left out of a conversation: I have no idea what it feels like to give birth or go through labor (According to some I should call myself blessed! Ha!) I don't know what it feels like to breastfeed a child. I didn't get to watch Nathan grow inside my belly or kick me from the inside out.
Recently I was listening to a discussion about whether Moms felt like their families were complete or if they still wanted to add to their family. I again found myself doing a lot more listening then talking. Once upon a time I dreamed of having 3-4 children evenly spaced out over a matter of years. In reality however, Ben and I do not get to choose when our next child will arrive. We don't know if and when we will add another child to our family. Although I don't feel "done", in a lot of ways I also don't feel like I have control over when we will be "done" either.
Currently we are having some tests done to explore the deeper reasons behind our infertility. It may lead us to exploring more options of carrying our own biological child. Or it may lead to us closing the door indefinitely. Because these tests take awhile to complete I find myself growing impatient. I want to add to our family now. In fact I wanted to add to it yesterday. It's hard to contemplate having to wait much longer especially when every day a certain little boy in our lives is growing up more and more! We also aren't turned off to the idea of adopting again. But that also takes time.
In this season of life I'm trying to remember and reflect on the current blessings in life but also am praying about the next blessing that one day I hope to add to our family.