Warning: This post may contain more then you ever wanted to know about my body, my period and much more. No apologies. You can stop reading now if you want.
I originally went on the Pill back in college to help regulate my periods. I've always struggled with heavy cramping and bleeding and the Pill provided some much needed relief! When we got married I continued to take the Pill since we weren't ready to start a family.
When I went off the Pill over 7 years ago I joked with Ben that he was in for the ride of his life since he had only known me when my hormones were regulated by a little pill I swallowed every morning. My period took quite awhile to regulate itself when I first went off of it which only lead to me thinking I was pregnant every
I learned quite a lot about my body after I went off the Pill. I was convinced that if we timed everything just right we would get pregnant in no time. I charted when I was ovulating (by tracking my temperature and cervical mucus--yes I just said mucus!) and waited expectantly each month.
If you know anything at all about our story you know that none of what I did ever lead to us getting pregnant. They say with knowledge comes power. I don't know if I agree with that statement. For me the knowledge I gained about my body lead to much heartbreak. I knew exactly what was happening and when it was happening and still could not control when I would conceive a child.
As time has passed my periods each month have been getting significantly worse and worse. I have been thinking about going back on the Pill for some time but have been putting it off. You see for me to go on the pill means in some ways that I am forever closing the door to having any biological children.
Last month my period was so awful I took myself to the ER worrying that a cyst had burst inside my uterus. Everything checked out fine but I decided I was done with these heavy and debilitating periods. So I scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN and got a prescription for Birth Control Pills.
When I took the first one this last weekend I expected to feel sad or at least a little nostalgic. I didn't. Maybe it was because I was busy. Or maybe it's because I've finally come to terms with the fact that my family will not grow or multiply in the way I had originally intended.
As I write this post I look expectantly to the future. I'm about to start a new school year in a new room, in a new grade level (Yes, you can start praying now!) and will hopefully not have to suffer through any horrible and heavy periods! (Do you know how many bathroom breaks a teacher gets during the day?! Let's just say my bladder has gone through intense training these last 9 years!) We also are about to turn in our Home Study paperwork (once we finish our darn CPR training!) and then will start the interview process to become certified to adopt. All of this means we hope to bring a baby home sometime this school year!
In some ways I feel like I'm closing the door on one chapter in my life and am standing at a new door ready to start the next chapter. I'm excited (and if I admit it a little nervous) about what God has in store for our family!