However the club I'm unfortunately a member of doesn't have many perks. It's the Infertility Club. I don't think anyone ever sits down and hopes and dreams of becoming a member of this club. And I highly doubt anyone would pay an annual membership fee to join! Although people that find themselves with a membership card to the Infertility Club in their wallet still find ways to become parents, you rarely get to "upgrade" your membership.
Before I knew I was a member of this club I found myself excited anytime someone announced that they would be trying to start a family soon. When a friend shared news of their pregnancy I eagerly shared in their excitement.
However when I was first finding out of my membership in this club it suddenly became hard to hear of people's pregnancy announcements or to attend baby showers. For the most part and by the grace of God I've overcome that hurdle with the occasional setback here and there.
Now that I'm a longtime member of this club I have also found that my membership has jaded me in some ways. When someone announces they are trying to have a baby I secretly cringe and hope that their dream of becoming parents doesn't take as long as mine did. When someone announces their pregnancy early on I secretly worry about the health of their baby and hope they haven't shared their news too soon.
In a lot of ways my membership has forever changed my outlook on life. Although I still can boast of the hope I will always find in Jesus Christ I realize that life here on earth is not without speed bumps. There are often valleys that may find us walking alone (or so it seems!) The hope I find today finds me praying that my story and journey can help someone else who finds themselves with access to a club that they never paid for or wanted.
I couldn't agree more. One thing I've had to come to terms with is that the pain of infertility isn't ever going to go away. Even though we have 3 kids and are done trying for more, it still hurts whenever I hear someone is pregnant. I realized that even when I'm an old woman it'll still going to hurt because at the end of the day I didn't get to have as many kids as I wanted, didn't get to chose how far apart in age they were or when they joined our family. And while I am extremely grateful for the kids I do have and the lessons I've learned from struggling with infertility, the ache just doesn't ever go away.
ReplyDeleteWell said Aspen! The pain never fully goes away and in a lot of ways becomes a part of us.
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