Drowning

I decided to write this post tonight so that when our next baby arrives I can look back and indeed see that God had a perfect plan for the timing of this little one.  Even when I cannot see it!

Right now it's hard to glance into the future and see what God is doing.  I'm not sure why, but this adoption process has been seemed long and hard!  Maybe it's because we now have a busy 3 year old at home and can only seem to do things when he's napping (Did I just say nap? Ha!  This kid maybe naps once a week!) or in bed for the night.  Or maybe it's because I decided it would be a good idea to start a new business 2 weeks before school started.  (Yes, I'm insane) Or maybe it's because I changed grade levels and classrooms and teams this year at school.  (For the record I did not volunteer for any of these changes!  But some things are out of your control.  Oh well!)

Whatever the reason I feel like the only thing I have done so far in preparation to bring this baby home is fill out a mountain of paperwork.  I had aspirations to complete said paperwork over the summer. But then I forgot that I'm married to a youth pastor who is never home over the summer. And I may or may not have taken a few naps instead of filling out said paperwork.

As soon as I would work through one pile another pile would creep up.  I've worked my way through home study paperwork.  Then I moved on to grant and loan paperwork.  Then I found more things to do for our home study paperwork.  Then I found more things to fill out for our loans and grants.  Then someone told me about another grant I should apply for.  As soon as I'm think I'm done more paperwork appears!  Just today I found an entire list of MORE paperwork that needs to be filled out before we can go active with our Adoption Consultant.  It's never-ending!

And don't get me started on Fundraising!  That's another pile of paperwork.  And we've still got quite a large amount of money to raise.

To top it off today I found out the long term substitute who was to be a dream come true is indeed a dream...that will not be coming true.  Maybe I'm the only teacher on earth who worries about what will happen to her classroom and kids when I'm gone??!!

I want to be past the paperwork and into the 3rd trimester of our paper pregnancy.  I am itching to register for items we will need for this next baby.  I want to go through Nathan's baby clothes.  I want to get out the bottles.  I want to put batteries in the bouncer and the swing.  I want to dust off the car seat and install it in our car. I want to pack my bags for the hospital!  But instead I'm drowning in paperwork.  And I might be borrowing trouble here but our Adoption Consultant has been matching Adoptive Parents and Birth Families quickly these days (Within weeks people-weeks-of becoming active!) and part of me worries I won't get my 3rd trimester because things are going to go fast!

Through all of this I've had to constantly remind myself that God has a plan.  I started reading through all the blogging I did leading up to Nathan's arrival and immediately after.  God's hand was evident in every step.  If He could orchestrate Nathan's adoption so beautifully why am I struggling trusting him with this one?!

Friends will you pray with me?  I am needing reminders of God's faithfulness in this season.  I can not walk this journey alone and am thankful to have a God who can carry me when I'm too weary to go on.  But sometimes it's easy to forget he's there holding out his hand...