Many of you know that I suffer from horrible and painful periods. I went on the pill a little over a year ago to help alleviate my symptoms and although it worked, I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster each month. I tried changing the pill I took and then my periods just got worse again. For many women who struggle with infertility a period is a reminder every month of how your body has failed you once again. Although I've come to terms with our infertility and have peace about where we are in our journey it's frustrating to bleed so heavily and go through so much pain each month--all for nothing!
As far as periods go my family history doesn't leave much to be hopeful about. Many women in my family have had hysterectomies due to heavy periods. My own mother has barely started menopause and she's in her late 50's! I have no desire to suffer for another twenty years on a monthly basis. All of this has led me to decide to have surgery in another month. My Doctor will be performing a tubal ligation and endometrial ablation. Feel free to google these terms if you want to know more...
I am caught up in the irony of what I have decided to do. I have never conceived a child. I have never had a positive pregnancy test. I have not given birth. But I have decided to go through with procedures that will take any chance of the before mentioned things ever happening.
When I came to this decision I expected to feel sad. I expected to grieve. Mourn. But honestly, I'm at complete peace. Never in a million years would I have expected to grow my family the way God has chosen to grow it. But I am blessed. I have two healthy children. They are not biologically mine. But they are mine! They call me Mommy. They turn to me when they are hurt or in pain. They want me to hold them and kiss them and make everything better.
And I will never get over the fact that my boys each have another Mom. A Birth Mom who carried them for nine months and loved them enough to let go so a woman whose womb and arms were empty could be called Mom.
And guess what?! If one day Ben and I decide we want more kids. We can adopt more! We won't get to pick when. Or how. But God will.
If you made it to the end of this post, congratulations! Now that you know everything and more about my body let's not make everyday conversations awkward. And if you think of it, be praying for me as I go into surgery on December 3rd. Although I'm at peace about it I will say I'm nervous about going under anesthesia for the first time.
No comments:
Post a Comment