Pregnancy Vs. Adoption

As we are preparing to add to our family I find myself thinking a lot about pregnancy vs. adoption.  I would love to be pregnant and carry a biological child in my womb that has a little of me and a little of Ben.  I imagine myself enjoying the flutters and kicks as my baby grows and forms inside of me. However sometimes I long to be pregnant for one simple reason: it just seems easier!

If I got pregnant, I wouldn't have to raise money to bring another child home since insurance would cover a large portion (if not all) of my pregnancy and delivery.

If I got pregnant, I would know exactly (well let's say almost exactly!) when our child would arrive.  I wouldn't be left waiting for someone else to decide I could raise their child as my own.

If I got pregnant, I could find out before hand if we are having a boy or girl and would be able to shop accordingly (or donate accordingly since I think I have become a clothes hoarder!  Make that an organized clothes hoarder!)

I know there are many downsides to pregnancy: morning sickness, nausea, weight gain, exhaustion, labor pains--just to name a few! ;)  But for someone who has longed to be pregnant and never has been able, it's easy to sugar coat everything. ;)

As I write this post it may seem like I don't look at adoption in a positive light.  That is far from the truth!  Through the gift of adoption we were given our son and if I had to do it all over again I would--and we are seriously contemplating doing it again!  However if we adopted again there is no telling if our situation would be the exact same as it was with Nathan.

And that is the place I find myself lately--surrounded by what ifs:

What if we got pregnant?

What if we adopted again?

What if?!  

I am a creature of habit.  I thrive on routine.  And whether we get pregnant or adopt my world is certain to change dramatically. Today in church we were reminded that God will always remain faithful, even when we are not.  And that is where I choose to end this post.  I know that whatever road God leads us down He will remain faithful, even when we struggle and stumble.