Bitterness

I'm going to try my best not to make this blog post into a rant but if it ends up sounding like one I apologize in advance!

As we are filling out a pile of paperwork for our home study I have been struggling with bitterness.  This bitterness may be caused somewhat by the fact that this is the second time we are having a home study done.  If we were still living in AZ we would have been able to renew our home study but since we've moved to CA we get to start ALL OVER AGAIN.

The paperwork hasn't been horrible, it's more of the stuff we have to do (Mind you these are only SOME of the things we have to do!):

-We had to go get our fingerprints done.
-We have to get CPR certified.
-We have to submit a driving record.
-We have to make copies of our Driver's License, Marriage License and our Birth Certificates.

It's a lot to do and up until today I thought I was on top of everything.  But I'm not.  And it's frustrating.  And it's causing me to grow bitter.  Although I have never been a biological parent I"m pretty sure they don't have to do any of the above in order to have a child.  In fact I'm almost positive they don't.  And that makes me a little bitter too.  Because let's be realistic: if I got pregnant I could sit back, put my feet up and wait for 9 months until a baby pops out of me.  Right?!  (Sorry there's no font for sarcasm in blogger)  In reality, I didn't choose not to be a biological parent, the choice was made for me.  And that sometimes makes me bitter too.

I'm desperate to add to our family.  And if I admit it I'm in a little bit of a hurry.  And all this stuff I have to get done is keeping me from cradling a new baby in my arms.  And I may or may not have a tiny bit of baby fever!

So where does someone who finds herself growing bitter turn to?  God's word!

In the book of Ruth, Noami told those around her to call her "Mara" because the Lord had made her life bitter.  Everything Noami had was stripped away from her.  But in her bitterness she chose to still find Hope in God.  And Hope she found through Ruth and her Kinsman-Redeemer Boaz!  God did not forsake her!

In the book of Genesis, Esau was bitter over losing his birthright and blessing.  He was cheated out of what was his.  When he was reunited with his brother though, Jacob found that he was no longer bitter.  He had chosen to find joy in what he had been given.

In the book of Philippians we find Paul imprisoned.  Instead of choosing to grow bitter he used his situation to share the gospel of Christ with those who may not have heard it otherwise!

Although it may be hard.  Although it might seem impossible some days.  I will choose to not grow bitter.  I will choose to find Hope in my Redeemer.  And maybe, just maybe, my story can encourage others to do the same.