Worry

If you know me well you know that I am constantly thinking in the future tense.  As a teacher I plan at least one week ahead.  As a future mother I've already got the baby's room put together and ready to go (sort of...).  Because I'm constantly thinking this way it also makes me worry more!  I thought I'd post a list of current adoption related worries so that you'll know specifically how to pray for us (okay maybe just me since I don't think Ben knows how to worry!)  Although I don't let my worries overrun my heart, mind and soul (I have our God in Heaven to thank for that!) they can get a little overwhelming at times.  So here it goes...

Money
As a teacher I will need to take a leave of absence from school when the baby comes.  I'm allowed 12 weeks through FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), but only 6 week of those weeks am I allowed to use sick leave to cover my absence.  Since I haven't been working very long for the school district I'm employed by I only have about two weeks of sick leave saved up. So I'm looking at anywhere from 4-10 weeks of not being paid.  This freaks me out!  I know God will provide and we will make things work (somehow...) but oh my goodness!  Our adoption agency has told us that during the first 3 months it's imperative that we spend as much time with the baby as possible in order to create a strong bond and healthy attachment.  I want to do this, but we also have to eat and pay our bills.  Not to mention the fact that when we receive placement, the balance for our adoption is due (a boatload of mula!)

Timing
My leave of absence from work has also led me to worry about the timing of the baby's arrival.  The first quarter of Kindergarten is brutal--we are basically laying the groundwork for the rest of the year.  We barely touch on any of the academics because we are teaching kids to sit down, line up, play without hitting, etc.  It's exhausting!  If the baby comes during this time I will deal but it's hard to imagine creating substitute plans for teaching kids how to do things that seem like they should be innate in a school setting! 

Attachment
Since infertility was the road that led us to adoption I don't have the privilege of already being a Mom and knowing how it works.  My first baby will be my adopted baby.  In a way this is good because I won't have any preconceived notions of how things are going to work--but on the flip side it's also bad for exactly the same reason.  I've found myself worrying that my baby won't attach to me as it's Mom--not because they are adopted but because I won't do things right that a Mom should do.  Our adoption caseworker offered some encouragement in this area the other day saying that parents who "do it right" (in regards to creating a healthy attachment with their baby) only actually do it right, 20% of the time.  Phew!  But yet, in the back of my mind, I still worry. 

Ben vs. Alisha
Ben and I have already talked about that if the baby comes in the middle of the school year he'll rearrange his schedule so he can be home while I finish out the year.  I am blessed to have a husband who's job has flexibility like this.  But in a way, his job makes me jealous.  I love teaching but I am going to want to be home with our baby!  I worry that the baby will attach better to Ben than me. Thus he or she will love Ben, more than me.  I know it sounds silly but the thought still crosses my mind.  Maybe there are some Dads out there that feel the same way when they go back to work and leave their wives at home with their children??

I don't want you to read this post and start thinking that I'm losing my mind and going crazy with worry.  Because I serve a God that is bigger than ALL my worries, I can lay these worries at His feet.  However in my case I have been (and probably will be) laying down my worries at His feet daily! 

Thanks for your support and prayers everyone!