Thank you, but...

One of the things I was looking forward to (or at least thought I would find amusing) is the comments about how great I look for having a newborn baby.  Well I have received several of these comments, from mostly perfect strangers, and I'm not quite enjoying the comments like I thought I would.  Okay I take that back--I may be enjoying the compliments--but when they are followed with minute long stares (normally with eyes scanning my body up and down, transferring to Nathan, and then back to my body) that's where my enjoyment ends. 

Don't get me wrong--I appreciate everyone saying how great I look but with every comment I feel the need to explain we adopted.  I am not ashamed of our adoption or embarrassed.  But one day soon when Nathan understands how he came to be part of our family, I want it to be up to him with who he shares his story with--not me. 

With Nathan being so little, it is up to Ben and I's discretion whether we want to share his story or not.  I don't want to lie.  Or make other postpartum moms out there feel bad for still having a tummy.  But I also want to respect  my son's privacy too.  For the most part we have been very open about our adoption--especially with friends and family.  But in no way do I want to put a sign on our son's car seat saying "I'm adopted" either. 

Something else, that I was warned about, was the fact that with every comment about how great I look I'm also reminded of my own infertility.  Nathan did not come from my womb.  He was not conceived by Ben and I.  Thus I do not have a tummy therefore giving evidence of his birth.  This doesn't make me love him any less.  But infertility will always have it's hurts and stings here and there throughout my life...

Shout out

I'd just like to give a shout out to all of you biological moms out there!  I am enjoying my time with Nathan but I CANNOT IMAGINE having to recover physically from birth while taking care of a newborn. I don't know how you ladies do it!  I didn't go through any sort of labor and each day I need a nap!  We still hold out hope that one day we will get to experience pregnancy but for now God is showing me all I have to be grateful for.  I am truly blessed!

2 weeks old!

Scientist? Or Parent?

These first few days of parenthood have felt more like a science experiment than anything else.  Each day I feel like Ben and I are conducting experiments on Nathan to see what works for him.  It's almost like going through the scientific method.  We wonder why Nathan is fussy and ask questions: Is he wet?  Hungry?  Tired?  We do research and check his diaper, check when we fed him last and when he slept last.  We create hypotheses:  Maybe he's fussy because he's tired, or hungry or has a dirty diaper.  Then we test our hypotheses out and see if any of them are true.  We analyze our data and then apply what we have learned.  Luckily, some of our experiments are working!  But I know there are a lot more to come in our future...  The many science teachers I've had throughout my school career would be so proud to see I'm applying the principles they taught me so long ago...

Mommy Moments

Although my son is only 8 days old...I remember my first "Mommy moment".  We were in the hospital and had only just recently met Nathan.  He needed something.  I can't remember what it was.  A diaper change?  A bottle?  A pacifier?  But I remember figuring it out and soothing him...my first mommy moment.  Since coming home I've had other Mommy moments.  My mom was holding Nathan and I came in the room and when he heard my voice he "smiled".  (I'm refusing to believe at this point that it was just 'gas').  Another Mommy moment occurred tonight when I remembered a book I had read and tried it's techniques and it worked!  I wonder how many other Mommy moments I'm going to have?  Hopefully too many to count...

Dear Nathan,

Today you are 8 days old!  And today you gave us a run for our money!  For at least an hour (it felt like 3!) you screamed and cried your head off.  Nothing consoled you: a diaper change, a bottle, a pacifier, nothing!  Daddy and I were beside ourselves on what to do.  Mommy then remembered reading a book, The Happiest Baby on the Block, and decided to try what the book calls the 5 S's.  And guess what?!  It worked!  I swaddled you, I laid you on your side, I sshed you, I swung you, and I gave you something to suck on  (a pacifier!).  It didn't work the 1st time.  Or the 2nd.  But it did work the 3rd!  Yay! 

Love your exhausted Mommy

1 week old!

Dear Nathan,

Today was a rough day.  You got circumsized.  It was not fun.  Daddy and I were really nervous about it and are just glad it's over!  You cried and screamed in a way we had never heard before--it literally broke our hearts.  Since coming home from the doctor's office everytime you have woken up from one of your naps you have screamed in the exact same way.  It makes us so sad!  We are hoping tomorrow will be a much better day.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Nathan,

Today you are 6 days old and I'm already realizing how big you are getting.  You've already had your first bath (okay it was more of a sponge bath) and your umbilical cord has fallen out.  Grandma brought a bunch of new clothes with her and some of the newborn size ones fit you just right--and I fear not for long!  How can you already be getting so big in such a short time?  So many of Mommy's friends have told me to cherish this time with you and believe me, I am!  When I was a little girl I told my own Mommy that I wanted to create a magic potion that would keep my baby a baby forever.  Maybe I can still create it...and quick!

Love,
Mommy

Family Visitors

Our family was so excited to welcome Nathan!

Playing peek-a-boo with Cousin Courtney

Cousin Courtney and Makena tickling his feet

Cousin Nat

Great Grandpa

Nathan's namesake, Carlyle "Bud" Simonson

Great Grandma

Great Aunt Diana

Great Uncle Frank

1st time Grandma!  That's right, Nathan made my mom and official Grandma!

Grandma George

1st time Grandpa!

Change has arrived

If you know me I DO NOT like change.  The beginning of the school year is always hard for me because things have changed.  New kids.  New dynamics.  And since the kids don't know anything about the structure and routine of my classroom, nothing is the same from day to day.  It's exhausting! 

Throughout our struggle with infertility I remember telling Ben if we weren't going to have a baby anytime soon that I needed a change.  A move.  A job change.  Something to break up the monotony of life!  As we continued in our journey we would talk to different couples as they brought home their babies.  So many of them told us how much their lives had changed.  From their relationship to their spouse to sleeping to doing whatever they wanted to do whenever they wanted to do it!  Although I wanted a baby and the change a baby brings, if I would have gotten pregnant and brought a baby home, although overjoyed, the change would have been a struggle for me.

Well change has happened around the George household and I am thriving!  Don't get me wrong: the constant interruptions to my sleeping patterns are still something I'll be getting used to for a long while.  But I love the changes in my home that are taking place.  I know it is only because God ordained the timing and all the details of our adoption that I am living day to day in perfect peace.

My favorite new change is the dynamic of my relationship with Ben.  Although Ben and I are very much in love we are also very different.  Literally it seems sometimes like we are two sides of a coin.  We've always joked that if we ever were chosen as contestants on the Amazing Race we would never make it.  And the people watching us would probably think we were destined for divorce.  We think differently. We solve problems differently.  But the differences in our personalities are melding together as we learn how to parent Nathan. 

For the first time (okay maybe the not the first...I tend to exaggerate!) I feel like we are working as a team.  Normally I have my life--school.  Ben has his life--church.  And we find places to make our lives intersect.  Now Nathan has become the center of our lives (not literally--I am not a fan of child centered parenting!) and our lives and personalities are becoming intertwined around him.  I love it!

Bring on the change!

1st Bath!

In love with my son!

Grandma was here to assist

He loved it!  Didn't cry at all!

I'm so happy I could fall asleep...

My feet must be dirty from playing outside...haha

Mommy getting my backside...

Kisses from Mommy and Daddy!

Lookin' and lovin' his Daddy!

All bundled up

Now I know...

Now I know (okay sort of know!) why so many Mommas cry when they are first holding their sons and daughters.  I didn't cry the first time I held Nathan but I have been doing a lot of crying this evening.  Tonight we learned that Nathan's Birth Mom officially gave her consent to place Nathan for adoption.  He is officially ours! 

Words cannot describe the emotions Ben and I are experiencing.  A young woman, only 22 years old, with one child at home, chose to place her son who she lovingly carried for nine months in our arms!  This woman left the hospital less than 24 hours after the birth of her son.  She is going back to work less than a week after giving birth.  I am amazed.  In awe.  And I can't quite describe how I feel.  We were able to give a small gift to Nathan's birth mom and write a letter to her, thanking her for giving us her son.  We weren't sure when we purchased the gift or wrote the letter if she would even accept it.  But she did!  When the pregnancy counselor told her how grateful we were to have Nathan at home with us she cried and then beamed when she learned his name and our name and what our occupations are. 

Those of you outside of adoption may not understand why we long to know Nathan's birth mom and be a part of her life and I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully explain it to you.  But we believe that God creates in everyone a desire to know where they came from and who they came from.  It's something He's woven inside of us from the very beginning.  By having an open relationship with Nate's birth mom we hope to provide this for our son.   Although birth mom hasn't agreed to meet with us or contact us yet we feel the information she received tonight and agreed to provide for us (in the form of medical/social history) is a huge first step. 

Please Praise God with us for this amazing gift!

How can you help?

Ben and I have been overwhelmed with every one's support, love and prayers through this roller coaster ride the last few days.  You all have literally brought us to tears with your encouragement, excitement, and blessings for our little one.  A lot of you have been asking, "how can I help?"  Well here's some ways you can do just that!

I'm hesitant to say this for fear I will say it wrong and offend someone but money is something we still desperately need!  Normally when you receive placement your final payment is due to the adoption agency.  Because of the nature of a hospital call (just a little last minute, don't you think?) the agency gives us some time to get everything together.  That being said we have a long way to go before "everything" will be together.  We are waiting to hear back from two separate organizations about grants and loans, but the clock is ticking.   If you have been thinking about supporting us financially and haven't done so, now is the time.  If you have a change jar, we need it  now!  We have been praying diligently that God will provide and felt led to bring this baby home, in faith, even though we didn't have all the money in place.  If you feel led to support us, all we can say is thank you and God bless you!  If you have already supported us--thank you!  We are amazed what God has provided for us through friends and family already!

Pray, Pray, Pray! 

We are first time parents!  We don't know what we are doing! 

Also our son has a birth mom that right now has chosen not to be a part of his life.  Pray for this woman.  She has given us a special gift.  We want Nathan to know that it was only because of his birth mom's love for him that she was able to carry him to term and then leave him in someone else's care. 

Our son also has a birth father out there somewhere, that for now, does not even know that he exists!  Pray for this situation.  Until our agency does everything possible to find birth dad, Nathan's adoption, is at a potential risk. 

Please know we ask these things of you with humble and sincere hearts.  We are going forward in confidence knowing that everything will come together just as God ordained it to be.  We have already seen God's fingerprints all over our son's life!

Baby Nathan!

Just a few shots of our cutie!

In the Hospital

Daddy holding Nathan for the first time!  

Look at that grin!

Mommy holding Nathan for first time!

Do I look like a Mom?

Swaddled and content

Love at first sight...

It's hard not to stop smiling....

First Family Photo!

Cissy, our pregnancy worker from CFCA

One of the nurses made him this pumpkin hat...love it!

Holding his pacifier in

The NICU nurses that helped take such good care of Nathan!

Going home!